Naked Lens

Oleh: Farida Susanty @faridasusanty
jerawatdimuka.tumblr.com

I press the record button, they start unbutton each other. The girl just wear a pink shirt, tight one. You can see stuff from there. It wraps her body with no room for air. You can see that she doesn't wear anything underneath either. Guy's lucky. Less work. He lifts up her top slowly. They kiss each other, if it was ever a kiss.

They just met about an hour ago. First timers, I suppose. The girl came with her stare directed into the floor almost all the time, hands twisting her shirt. Every once in a while she looked around the room, and I heard her sigh. Classic first timers gestures. And she wore a white shirt with teddy bear picture printed in it. She's apparently not that kind of girl. But yet she's here.

And they gave her that pink shirt. There she goes now, rollin on the bed with a man she barely knows.

"Cut! I need better kiss. Use your tongue more. Do it again," He shouts. The pair stops kissing. Both of their eyes widened in confusion. The man shakes his head and reach the girl's neck, ready to try again.

I press "stop". I press "record".

The girl glances at me. I pretend not to notice.

They kiss again. And I can see it's getting more awkward. But they play on anyway. Sweats all over the bed. Same scenes all over again. Same things I have to witness behind this lenses.

I point the camera at her face. I see that she pretends to enjoy it. But I can notice that she's shivering. I smile. I like looking at these actresses faces, or the actors. I like looking at them faking it. In pain, but tries real hard to moan in pleasure. I think that says a lot about what life is about.

This girl, she's pretty. She has this almond shaped eyes, tiny nose, tiny lips, with a nice jaw line. I can see her being a model for teen magazines, wearing nice clothes. But yet she's here. She chooses to wear no clothes instead. That's amazingly strange.

I can judge people by the way they act in front of my camera. I know people who do this job for fun. I know people who do this for money. Or people who do this because they're mere slutty. Sometimes I just see it in their nervous glances at me, afraid that I don't think they're good, that they'll make some mistakes. In the end they will still make some mistakes. The lies. The pain they try to endure but shows. I can see it. I can feel it sometimes.

Yet the camera still rolls.

As he does more kinky things, I can see that her eyes now widened even more than before. She must be scared as hell. And the director figures it out, he shouts at them and makes them do it all over again. He moves closer to her face and yells her what to do, what to scream. "Oh baby, I like this!" He commands her to repeat what he said. She nearly breaks down. Eyes all red.

I press stop.

But she continues. She walks out the bed and drinks some booze in the near table; we provide booze around the shooting area. A lot of actors need it during shooting.

She drinks, chokes, but comes back to the bed with no hesitation. Eyes all red.

"Action!" The director shouts.

I don't press "record".