Oleh Andrea Kusuma (@deakpm)
andreakusuma.blogspot.com
Last night I had a dream
A dream that was so real and so vivid
I thought it was reality and I finally go back to that time
the time where I usually walking down the road
with you beside me.
but then I woke up
and realized
that it was just a dream
although the dream felt like reality
and the true reality felt like a dream
because it felt so real.
it felt so right.
and I felt calm all over again just like I used to be
when we walking down that road
but the time had passed.
the time had passed for us long time ago
and I've found another bitter sweet of love since you
although nothing ever the same
but it's okay.
because I don't regret what I lost.
Instead, I smile for what I had.
and I had a lot.
Like taken from someone's journal, maybe the author's journal. Lack of metaphor, but honest. Adding metaphors to spice up the writing won't hurt :) Good job nevertheless.
BalasHapusI agree with Frida. It is lack of metaphores. In poem, we are supposed to paint with many colors. Find the beauty. Feel the textures. I know I found it hard to write a poem in English, cuz it is not our mother tongue, but worth to try. Good job. Wanna try to write in Indonesian instead?? Sure it will be so much fun.
BalasHapus@farida: yeap, it was taken from my own journal :)
BalasHapusboth farida & socrateslover: i'm agree with you. i'm not a regular poem write. usually i'm more of a story or article writer, so my metaphors-writing skills is not sharp enough, yet ;)
but i'm working on it :)
thank you so much for the critics and for reading my first post here. hope we can learn to be a better writer through this blog hehe