(Someone Who I Thought ) My Secret Admire

Oleh: Marcelita Rinda (@bbunnn)

http://sundaymorningwakeupearly.blogspot.com

dear diary,
if from the beginning i know everything will end up like this, i won't let this feeling grow inside me this much :(

it all started with a touch. i dont understand why, that day, his touch felt different. almost 17 years, he was often touched me. i mean, he is
my brother bestfriend, he touched my hair all the time. but that day, he touched my waist and i know and im sure this touch is different, and then he
started to give me that look, that look which seems to say that "you're so beautiful, i want you" and he gave me not one look, but zillion times.
im pretty sure that he is so into me. and i think, im into him too.
so i started to try to always look beautiful and sexy in front of him. i want him. so this is my fight. we're so into each other ( well, tho this is only
my guess, but im sure i was totally right ). so the only thing i need to do was just to keep his eyes on me.
i flirted a lot. i gave my half lunch to him because i know he loves pasta and he gave me his sweetest smile and said "thank you gorgeous".
i dont care if i will spend the rest of my day starving to death, as long as he's happy, im happy enough! wait, im so very happy, corrected. and the fact
that he called me "gorgeous" was making me dead.
my brother tried to warned me almost everyday before bed. he said, protect your heart kiddo. protect my what? i think my brother was just afraid that
his little sister will loves another boy in the world except him. so cute. and why on earth i have to protect my heart when we liked each other? hahaha brother
nervosa!!!!!!

that day after school, he texted me and said if i love to go out with him on friday now. my heart skips a beat!!!! OMG, of course it was a YESSSS!!!! i wear my best dress and curled my hair. if i remember how much money i spent on that dress, my heart breaks into pieces :(

so i met him at the cafe around our neighborhood, he was so cutteeeeee. he said he loves to see me. so we have our dinner and we talked. we talked about almost
everything. my brother, our childhood, our favorite music, everything! until he showed me a picture of a lovely girl. he said, "is she pretty" and i said "of course she is, she's hot". he smiled and said, "this is awkward, but ever since i have no sister and i couldnt talk to mom about this because she will think this is silly, i need your help", okay this is weird, my help, why he need my help? "what help?", he took a very deep and long breath "i like her, and i need her to like me too, she's your age and i think you know the best how to win her heart". OMG my world was fallen apart. so he needs me just for a helper to get the girl he likes? i tried my best my keep my tears right on their place. i said "lets see what i can do, but now, i need to go home, because i have something to do and its so important!". his face looked happy and he said "okay, i'll walk you home, thank you so much sis, she means the world to me, i need you to help me"

i cant believe i was such a fool to believe that he likes me and let my self drowned into his ocean of love.

i gotta go now, just like i said, i have something to do and its so important. i need to cry.

broken hearted girl.
M